What's next?

Since this is really something that I decided to do for me and I don't know how many people are going to read it, I think that it's just going to be sort of an online journal of what is going on in my world and in my mind.  Which I will say is sometimes a scary place!

What's next is the question of the hour.  I have been working full time since I graduated university, which is the case for most.  I worked a couple of different jobs before I went to work for my dad at his plumbing and heating shop, 14 years ago.  I worked there for many many years and almost 7 years ago bought it from him with my cousin.  My heart wasn't ever in it, I wasn't a plumbing, electrician, hvac tech or anything else by trade so a lot of time I was lost.  I looked after all of the aspects of the business that didn't directly involve those things.  It was a lot of managing people and personalities.  It's a different sort of place and story to work in a family owned business with family members that you wouldn't normally have a lot of involvement with.  It's a different dynamic and it's challenging. 

We had a few issues all come down at once and I realized that I really didn't want to keep doing this for the next 25 years.  My business partner and I decided it was best to close it down rather than try to sell it.  It was the best decision for us in the moment.  I don't regret that; it was hard, stressful and I am very glad it's done.

The guilt I felt was rough, slowly over the last 8 /9 months I have realized that it's not my responsibility to keep doing something I did not enjoy and that was causing me physical and mental problems for others.  For others legacy, employment, service or anything.  I had to look after me because when it comes right down to it, no one else could make the decision for me.

I am very happy with my decision and now it leaves me with ,  What's next?

I have decided since the company just officially closed in March that I need to take a few months to just be.  To just be a mom, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend, and a friend to me! I am looking forward to a few months of enjoying life.  It's a strange place to be in though.  I am still trying to find my groove.

I am hoping as the months grow warmer and the sun shines a little more, I will find that groove and maybe just maybe find myself again.

I am especially excited to find her.

So maybe you want to come with me on this journal?  Welcome aboard!

Grumpy days

Good Morning, 

The sun is finally shining again and there isn't a snow flake falling anywhere!  We have had winter since October and oh my goodness it's been long enough.

I don't know about you but this last bit of snow we got had me losing it.  I was not pleased that it was coming but wow I was so grumpy on Tuesday that it took over my whole day.  I could not shake it; I yelled at the kids before school, and spent the rest of the day still angry it was snowing and that spring was refusing to make an appearance.  It was just one of those days where nothing is going to make you happy!  So I decided to just own it, I did things that needed to get done but I did it like grumpy smurf!  I had moments where I rallied to be civil but not really up to the usual happy.  Do you ever have those days?  Sometimes it's not one specific thing but I just have grumpy days.  However, this time it was snow!!!

When I went to bed on Tuesday night, early of course because grumpy smurf needed to go to bed!  As I laid there I thought to myself, today was a bummer of a day but tomorrow is a new day and you get to choose a new perspective.  Wednesday morning, I woke up...not happy but not grumpy.  So that was progress.  I then decided even though it was still snowing, I was going to be a person today.  I had to make the decision to make it a good day and some days that's hard.  The past year has been rough so making those decisions have been the best thing I can do.

Wednesday was a better day and I ended up being a happier person because of it.

Now today, the sunshine and warmer temps will help immensely.  I find spring to be one of my favourite seasons.  Truthfully I do love all the seasons just sometimes that winter season lasts WAY TOO LONG!

I find spring just makes everyone a little happier, the snow starts to melt, people come out of their homes, we get to see our neighbours and we see people out on the streets.  I makes my heart happy when I see this happen, so spring makes my heart happy and I look forward to it making a full appearance in the coming months!

So if you have a grumpy day, that's ok.  Own it, live it and then try again the next day!

Happy sunshine! 

Grateful

Grateful...

It's a word we use so often and contains so much meaning but some days it's downright hard to teach or practice.

The whole life shift process has been a hard one for me.

It's taken it's toll on me and probably my family.  My safe place to lash out, freak out, cry, pout, and do all those things you don't do in public.  I did my very best to keep the wreckage minimal.
All that to say I am grateful for it.

I am grateful I was able to make the choice to make a life shift, most people don't do that or don't get to or even want to.  I knew I needed one and with the support of my family and especially Joel I was able to do it.  It has been a very long process, much longer than I anticipated and has taken me much longer to recover from.  I didn't know it would take such a toll, I was surprised and very upset by it.
I have spent a lot time of time thinking.  Thinking what I am grateful for, what I am sad for, what I am happy for, what I am excited for, what I am scared for.  So much thinking!

But the truth is, it all helped me.  All the ups, downs, sideways and upside downs helped me to get here.  The other side and I can see that I needed it.  I needed to let it all go and appreciate life.

To appreciate my life, the one I am so grateful to have.  The world is a messing, scary, wonderful place and it's our job to make the it amazing.

So I look forward to doing my very best at making it amazing.

Middle School vs Electronics

Why do so many people complain about electronics and video games yet they continue to let their children use them so often?  My oldest son Liam (11 yrs old) has voiced his great concern several times over the last couple of weeks that people are excluding him because he doesn’t have a phone to get texts on and no one will call him, that he doesn’t have Instagram so he’s missing out and the latest is to get Fortnite and Xbox live so he can play with his friends and know what they are talking about.  


I constantly hear people complain about this, post about it and share articles.  Yet, here we are fighting the fight against electronics and somehow creating a kid who is excluded from things because of his lack of electronics.


We have a home phone for our kids to get phone calls and make phone calls to their friends (and of course my mother!)   It’s getting harder and harder for him to get a hold of his friends because there are no home phones and lots of time parents are out and about.  He only has a few cell numbers and most of the time no one answers.


What are we doing to our kids?  Why are we creating kids who only communicate via text?  Who would rather stay home and play a video game against someone else in another house than hang out together?  And adding the stress of Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat and a whole host of other social media things I know nothing about to our 11, 12, 13 year olds who can’t handle the emotions they have before those things!


We are in no way saying we are amazing parents but this is one fight we are trying to stay on course.  Our kids have an Xbox (not live, yet), they share one old phone (mostly for music and sometimes games, they share one tablet that barely has room for anything but can play some games and they watch TV.  However, they do not have their own tablets, cell phones, Fortnite or unlimited access to any of it.


He’s in grade 6, we plan to stick with this fight for as long as we can but it’s going to get harder and harder if he keeps getting excluded.


This is exhausting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here we go again!

I had another blog and someday I might go back to it but this time I have some different thoughts, I figured that deserved a different blog.

Things change all the time.  I know they change for everyone, I know I am not special but this blog is going to be about the change that is happening in my world.

I am hoping it will help me and perhaps make a few people laugh and maybe help to know the struggle is real for everyone!

My family has had a business in our city for the last 73 years, my grandfather started it and my dad took it over with his brothers and built a wonderful business.  My cousin and I bought it in 2012 and did a good job at running but made the decision to shut it down.  The industry has changed and we both simply did not have the desire to continue it on.

The guilt I have is insane, I have worked there for most of my adult life and then ran it for the last 5 1/2 years.  And yes I am letting it go.  I am taking down a legacy.  My hope is that we have managed to do this in the best possible way, we have maintained the good name of our family and simply closed down a business.

I have either worked for my dad or myself for the past 13 years.  Basically without a job title and just a Jill of all trades.  Doing whatever was necessary.

So now I have to go back out into the work place and try to figure out what a job on the outside looks like.  I am terrified that I won't be any good, that I won't find a job or that I won't like working for someone else.

Who knows what this next chapter will bring but let the adventure begin!