Patience??

What have I learned over the past several months?  Patience.  I think that's what I have learned, my husband and kids may think otherwise.  Clearly I haven't mastered it yet.

I think that I have learned to be patient with my self.  I am in general, very hard on myself.  I expect a great deal from me (which I don't necessarily think is a bad thing) but sometimes I also need to practice grace and patience with me.  Life is hard, sometimes it down right sucks.  I have a quote on my wall that says
"Everyday may not be a good day but there is something good in every day"

I try to live by that and I am trying even harder these days to live by that.

I have had a hard year, things I don't talk about to the outside world but it's true.  I may not have been struggling with the same things as other people but everyone has their own journey and I felt mine was a hard one.  I have to remember that what I feel is allowed to happen.  Just because some else might not get it, I have to know that the feelings I am having are mine and I have to own them.

So my hard year required a lot of patience, self love, understanding and time outs!  A lot of other things too but those are the main points.  I had to work out that some of the things that were happening or that happened weren't my fault and aren't things I can fix.

Sadly I am a fixer too, that is a huge problem when the things that I want to fix already happened.  You can't go back and fix them.  If it warrants it you can go and make things right but once it's happened, it's over.
I struggle deeply with this fact.  I relive, rehash and stress about so many things that can't and won't change.

Things that are added to the pile of "she's working on it".

I think I lost my train of thought here.

I don't know where I was going at the beginning of this post but maybe, just maybe it was a little note about how far I feel I have come in the past several months when last year at this time I couldn't see through the fog to a better place.

I don't know where this blog is going considering I am just writing about 4 months off but I think I might just continue to write about life when it happens and see where it goes.

Thanks for hanging on.