What's next?

Since this is really something that I decided to do for me and I don't know how many people are going to read it, I think that it's just going to be sort of an online journal of what is going on in my world and in my mind.  Which I will say is sometimes a scary place!

What's next is the question of the hour.  I have been working full time since I graduated university, which is the case for most.  I worked a couple of different jobs before I went to work for my dad at his plumbing and heating shop, 14 years ago.  I worked there for many many years and almost 7 years ago bought it from him with my cousin.  My heart wasn't ever in it, I wasn't a plumbing, electrician, hvac tech or anything else by trade so a lot of time I was lost.  I looked after all of the aspects of the business that didn't directly involve those things.  It was a lot of managing people and personalities.  It's a different sort of place and story to work in a family owned business with family members that you wouldn't normally have a lot of involvement with.  It's a different dynamic and it's challenging. 

We had a few issues all come down at once and I realized that I really didn't want to keep doing this for the next 25 years.  My business partner and I decided it was best to close it down rather than try to sell it.  It was the best decision for us in the moment.  I don't regret that; it was hard, stressful and I am very glad it's done.

The guilt I felt was rough, slowly over the last 8 /9 months I have realized that it's not my responsibility to keep doing something I did not enjoy and that was causing me physical and mental problems for others.  For others legacy, employment, service or anything.  I had to look after me because when it comes right down to it, no one else could make the decision for me.

I am very happy with my decision and now it leaves me with ,  What's next?

I have decided since the company just officially closed in March that I need to take a few months to just be.  To just be a mom, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend, and a friend to me! I am looking forward to a few months of enjoying life.  It's a strange place to be in though.  I am still trying to find my groove.

I am hoping as the months grow warmer and the sun shines a little more, I will find that groove and maybe just maybe find myself again.

I am especially excited to find her.

So maybe you want to come with me on this journal?  Welcome aboard!

Grumpy days

Good Morning, 

The sun is finally shining again and there isn't a snow flake falling anywhere!  We have had winter since October and oh my goodness it's been long enough.

I don't know about you but this last bit of snow we got had me losing it.  I was not pleased that it was coming but wow I was so grumpy on Tuesday that it took over my whole day.  I could not shake it; I yelled at the kids before school, and spent the rest of the day still angry it was snowing and that spring was refusing to make an appearance.  It was just one of those days where nothing is going to make you happy!  So I decided to just own it, I did things that needed to get done but I did it like grumpy smurf!  I had moments where I rallied to be civil but not really up to the usual happy.  Do you ever have those days?  Sometimes it's not one specific thing but I just have grumpy days.  However, this time it was snow!!!

When I went to bed on Tuesday night, early of course because grumpy smurf needed to go to bed!  As I laid there I thought to myself, today was a bummer of a day but tomorrow is a new day and you get to choose a new perspective.  Wednesday morning, I woke up...not happy but not grumpy.  So that was progress.  I then decided even though it was still snowing, I was going to be a person today.  I had to make the decision to make it a good day and some days that's hard.  The past year has been rough so making those decisions have been the best thing I can do.

Wednesday was a better day and I ended up being a happier person because of it.

Now today, the sunshine and warmer temps will help immensely.  I find spring to be one of my favourite seasons.  Truthfully I do love all the seasons just sometimes that winter season lasts WAY TOO LONG!

I find spring just makes everyone a little happier, the snow starts to melt, people come out of their homes, we get to see our neighbours and we see people out on the streets.  I makes my heart happy when I see this happen, so spring makes my heart happy and I look forward to it making a full appearance in the coming months!

So if you have a grumpy day, that's ok.  Own it, live it and then try again the next day!

Happy sunshine! 

Grateful

Grateful...

It's a word we use so often and contains so much meaning but some days it's downright hard to teach or practice.

The whole life shift process has been a hard one for me.

It's taken it's toll on me and probably my family.  My safe place to lash out, freak out, cry, pout, and do all those things you don't do in public.  I did my very best to keep the wreckage minimal.
All that to say I am grateful for it.

I am grateful I was able to make the choice to make a life shift, most people don't do that or don't get to or even want to.  I knew I needed one and with the support of my family and especially Joel I was able to do it.  It has been a very long process, much longer than I anticipated and has taken me much longer to recover from.  I didn't know it would take such a toll, I was surprised and very upset by it.
I have spent a lot time of time thinking.  Thinking what I am grateful for, what I am sad for, what I am happy for, what I am excited for, what I am scared for.  So much thinking!

But the truth is, it all helped me.  All the ups, downs, sideways and upside downs helped me to get here.  The other side and I can see that I needed it.  I needed to let it all go and appreciate life.

To appreciate my life, the one I am so grateful to have.  The world is a messing, scary, wonderful place and it's our job to make the it amazing.

So I look forward to doing my very best at making it amazing.